Corrupt Premier

I’m back with another research report for the Australian Bureau of Random Statistics (ABRS), this time interviewing people outside Government House. There’s quite a lot of protesters here, after the latest announcement that Premier Norris will be going into this year’s state election unopposed. Given the Premier’s history of scandals, particularly with adjusting requirements for a section 32 vendor statement when purchasing a house, the protesters aren’t happy.

The first person I asked about these issues held a large sign which read, “Not My Premier”, echoing protests in the United States against President Trumpet. When asked why she had an issue with the premier, this particular protester said:

“I used to work for Premier Norris, as his secretary. He wasted a criminal amount of time participating in live action role playing, along with millions of taxpayer dollars on equipment spent for such events. One day I asked if I could participate, and Premier Norris fired me on the spot, saying that my job was to make sure all the security cameras remained disabled.”

Next, I spoke to a man dressed in a suit and tie, with a banner reading, ‘Corruption is Premier Norris’. 

“I work as a conveyancer close to Melbourne, and Premier Norris has destabilised the industry with his changes to the Sale of Land Act. It’s simply disgusting how he made adjustments to increase his own chances of getting his dream home, without even having to pay for it. Premier Norris shouldn’t just be deposed; he should be in prison.”

Passionate words indeed. The final man I spoke to wore a t-shirt with a cartoon picture making fun of the premier. I asked him what he would do if he saw Premier Norris on the street.

“What wouldn’t I do to him?” the man responded. “First, I’d ask if I could join one of his LARPing games. When there, I’d proceed to burn all their roleplaying equipment, including costumes, and then I would…”

He continued for quite some time, and I’m afraid little of it is able to be repeated here. Well, that’s it for this ABRS report. Thanks for reading!